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Have you ever noticed that your partner might not really be into the idea of sex?

So, you kiss her in a certain spot or go down on her (because you’ve already figured out that these are her sexual Accelerators), or you simply decide to go it alone and masturbate…

But…

Then she suddenly is into it? What’s up with that?

Rest assured it’s totally normal! It’s why you should never skip on foreplay (or coreplay as some like to call it), especially if you know your partner needs a little more warmup time. If you do these things, you’re more likely to make her orgasm, too.

Hint: deep kissing, oral sex, and manual genital stimulation (finger) are the three keys to making her orgasm <11>. Plus, you won’t be as worried about lasting longer in bed.

You’re probably familiar with the old arousal cycle as a guy: you get excited (horny), your stimulation and excitement grows in the plateau stage, you have an orgasm, and then the cycle resolves itself and you just want to roll over and go to sleep <12>. Most of us have learned about it at some point.

Except…

It doesn’t always work that way and especially not for women. First, some women don’t feel mental desire until after physical arousal has begun. This could be due to kissing, you going down on her, or even penetration. This is why she seems to change her mind: it takes her mind a minute to catch up with her brain.

The difference in the state of mental and physical arousal is known as sexual (or arousal) discordance (or nonconcordance) <13, 14, 15>, and men typically experience concordance (your brain and body are both on the same page) than women <16, 17, 18>. This is why your partner might say she wants sex but doesn’t seem super wet (I recommend using plenty of lube, anyway). Women can become more aware of their physical/genital response, however <19>.

Another term for her desire appearing after “activities” have begun is responsive desire <20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25> (sometimes called “reactive” <26>). It can seem like your girl isn’t much interested in sex until you realize that her desire just needs something to respond to and her sexual response cycle might be different.

You probably haven’t heard of the Kaplan model of arousal, even though it’s been around since the 70s. Basically, a psychotherapist named Helen Singer Kaplan suggested that the arousal cycle needs to start with desire, which wasn’t even suggested in the older cycle <27 p 17>. Desire is a key part if you want to learn how to make a girl horny, however!

Since then, other models have been suggested that might better represent how a woman gets horny. They include circular <28>, non-linear <29, 30, 31> models, which may be better at explaining how women can have multiple orgasms <32> and that desire and arousal can work differently in men than in women.

See more: What Happens When An Amorphous Solid Breaks ? Amorphous Solids

This is all to say: it’s normal for a woman to get horny after you start fooling around. And if she genuinely becomes horny from this foreplay and enthusiastically wants to proceed, then you are both going to have some fun!

Lastly, it should go without saying, but unfortunately, some guys need to understand one thing:

Just because she may be into it once you start does not mean you should force or coerce her. That has to be her choice.